Vice President confirms no Missile Launching

The Horticultural Committee has confirmed there are no plans to allow Donald Trump to use the Beer Garden to spearhead his attack on North Korea.

Any attack would be launched from the rear of the Beer Garden using Helium filled balloons as tested only a few weeks ago.

The VP said “success is easily described… France be very afraid”


Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Silo

Beer Garden Weekly has confirmed that the movement of the planters is not part of a broader plan to hide ICMB’s in the Beer Garden.

Donald Trump said “it’s beautiful Garden, a big Garden, an amazing Garden and keen to make Gardens Great Again.

If the threat from Korea is real we won’t be launching missiles from the planters. They are big and beautiful but not big booming.

Check out the secret shed at the back”


Drive Through Speedway

Several weeks in, we see that significant change has arisen in the Beer Garden.

Clearly Monty Don has evolved the original strategy from bare and minimalistic to now embracing Silverstone and McDonalds by having a drive through.

This development is certainly likely to please those who wish to maximise their interest in motorsport and high society rallying only experienced most recently at the Goodwood Festival of Speed. We understand that the Earl of Marsh and Duke of Richmond have authorised their advisors to support the delivery of this initiative.

What next? We understand that Gordon Burns is being brought back from BBC North West to present a new edition of The Krypton Factor as considerations of a an army assault course being installed.

The Garden of Choice

Beer garden weekly has learned of a radical new approach being considered by the Horticultural Commitee overseeing the development of the harshly
minimalistic beer garden.

The introduction of FLOWERS🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻!

A source close to this publication has intimated that new designers may be engaged to introduce colour into the garden.

Beer Garden Weekly fears this could
destroy the dynamic so brilliantly envisioned by the original designers.
Let us trust that no such unnecessary intervention occurs!

Starter for 10

Imagine my delight at coming across this exercise in minimalistic gardening
Having visited the hugely overrated hanging gardens of Babylon last week and
more locally just yesterday the red lion and fleur de lys in Boldre a riot of ghastly
colour a dreadful affront to ones optic senses
Having spoken to the designers Monty Dung and Charlie Tussock I was reassured
to learn that no further attempts to beautify this wonderfully functional space were
As in all things simplicity is best